The title of the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" was enough to make me pick this book and I must say the book itself is incredible. It's not preachy and is described fully in the form of an open dialogue between a youth and a philosopher. All the teachings in this book are based on Adlerian Psychology. Today, I will share with you some of the learnings from this brilliant book. So, let’s begin.
1. Life is not what one is born with but what one makes of it
It's very easy for people to blame their upbringing and their past for their current circumstances. It is also easy to keep living the way you’re currently living even if there are a hundred things you do not like about it because it offers a sense of familiarity and comfort that you would not want to change. On the other hand, if you decided to change your lifestyle today it would bring with it a lot of uncertainty and fill you with anxiety. But to truly bring about a change all we need is courage.
2. The difference between being alone and loneliness
I especially loved the way this concept was explained in the book. He says that being alone does not make you lonely. It is when you are surrounded by people, society or community and feel a deep sense of disconnect or exclusion from them.
To feel lonely, you would have to be surrounded by people and I couldn't agree more with this.
3. True Self- acceptance
It also throws light on the concept that all the problems and worries that exist in this world are because of interpersonal relationships. These problems do not arise from ourselves but because of the shadows of other people involved. The only way to overcome this is to accept ourselves completely just as we are. Then have the courage to change whatever we can.
This concept is also explained in terms of the superiority and inferiority complex that we often see around us. What was new to me was that the feeling of superiority also comes from a place of insecurity. This just blew my mind. Because I always thought that it came from a place of confidence and security. This apparently is a result of wanting to stay relevant.
The feeling of inferiority on the other hand is when people use their misfortune to their advantage and worry the people around them. This also comes from a place of insecurity. It is also a way to keep other’s thinking about you and staying relevant.
He also points out that healthy superiority is when you compare your progress to your ideal self and keep moving ahead. This is when you truly accept yourself.
4. The concept of Power Struggle
You would have seen people arguing to their heart’s content, who would go to any extent just to prove themselves right. The author says that whenever you see such a situation arising, you should just do one thing. Step down from the conflict and do not react.
When you start arguing to prove yourself right, it would lead to an assumption that the other person is wrong. This becomes a contest and both parties want to win. This is a power struggle and we should try to stay away from such situations as much as possible.
5. Separation of Tasks
This is an important lesson that I have learnt from this book. It says that when you know it's your task, you should take full responsibility to get it completed. You should not let anyone intervene in it. But once you have completed your part, you should be able to demarcate that this is where your responsibility ends. This is described as the separation of tasks.
To give you an example, the author speaks about a mom who is teaching her child to tie shoelaces. It's faster for her to tie them each time but if she does not let her child learn it at his own pace, he would never learn it. Children who are brought up to not confront challenges end up avoiding all the challenges.
6. What is True Freedom
The author says that true freedom is being disliked by people. When you are not concerned with other people’s opinion about you, are not dependent on their recognition towards you or their liking towards you is when you achieve real freedom. This is when you are able to focus completely on your own progress and growth.
7. True Sense of Worth
Lastly, the most important lesson that I learnt from this book is that you are a protagonist of your life but you can never be more than a member of the community or a part of the whole. Your true self-worth is when you feel that you have become beneficial to society in the tiniest or the biggest of the ways.
Life is all about the journey and not the destination. The goal is to not reach the peak of the mountain but the journey on the mountain itself. It’s an accumulation of all the moments that you go through in this beautiful journey of life. It is the ‘now’.
So, these were all my learnings from the book ‘Courage to be Disliked’. It’s a book that I was not able to put down. I would love you to read it too and let me know your thoughts about it.
This is my first attempt at summarizing a book. I would be happy to know your feedback in the comments section below.
If you’re new here, it would be great if you could subscribe to the blog and I promise to keep posting more useful content for you.
Comentarios